


Hold on.

by TheIceQueen



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Airports, Angst, Comfort, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Panic, Panic Attacks, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 15:00:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11233410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIceQueen/pseuds/TheIceQueen
Summary: It had never happened before so Caspar is taken by surprise and a bit of shock when his roommate Joe breaks down with panic in the middle of an airport.





	Hold on.

They had been traveling for three days, not really sleeping. When they had slept it was in a corner at some random airport or an overbooked last-minute crappy hotel, where one of them ended up on the floor. It had been hell; with one delayed, cancelled and overbooked flight after the other, but now they were finally in the last airport and in a few hours, they would be on the last plane and then home.

Caspar was moving zombielike through security, only by default making sure he and Joe didn’t get separated. Joe seemed tired too, he wasn’t talking like himself, he really wasn’t talking at all. When Caspar had woken up after a sporadic nap on the plane, he had noticed that Joe was still in the exact same rigid and upright position as when he sat down one and a half hour earlier. Caspar found it weird that Joe hadn’t slept; he was obviously exhausted and he usually never had any trouble sleeping on a plane.

After security Caspar was on the lookout for a corner where they could spend the next three hours. The area was crowded, more than the usual setting for a busy airport, and Caspar was moving fast down the corridor determined to find a place where they could sit and maybe even get a bit more sleep.

 

-

 

Joe could hear his own breathing and feel his whole body swaying in waves along with the rhythm. Getting faster. Soon it was the only thing he knew. His vision blurring and the crowd of busy people around him turned into a stirring mess of gray. It surrounded him and he couldn’t move. He no longer had any control of his legs and he just stood there. In the middle of the blurry room. The last thing he saw was Caspar still walking, right into and swallowed by the ashy cloud of people. His chest tightened and breathing got even harder. The pain in his chest canceled out all sound but his own pulse pounding in his ears and then everything went black.

_I’m dying!_

No sound crossed his lips, but the fast and shallow breathing.

_My chest, the pain._

_It must be a heart attack._

Breathing getting even faster and jagged. At some point Joe wasn’t even sure he was breathing at all.

_Someone help me!_

 

-

 

In one of Caspar’s routine-checks to see if Joe was still behind him, he froze. Jo was not there. Caspar looked harder through and over the buzzing crowd and saw Joe standing motionless about 25 meters back. He was just standing there, not moving. Caspar was with him in seconds.

“C’mon Joe.”

He grabbed his roommate’s arm, but Joe was not going along with it. Just standing like a sculpture placed in the middle of the airport for everyone to look at and admire. No one did though. People in airports are too busy, tired or caught up in their own thing and everyone have tunnel vision.

“You’ okay?”

No answer. Caspar looked at the older boy and the ragged breathing and the hands tightly clutching his shirt over his chest, was answer enough. He wasn’t okay. Not at all.

The tall boy straightened his back to overlook the area and noticed an empty booth at a diner. He wrapped his arm around the now shaking Joe and pulled him in that direction.

 

-

 

Someone was holding him upright. He wouldn’t be able to stand let alone walk if they didn’t. And he was walking. Wasn’t he?

His legs were numb and the only thing he had some control over was his arms forcefully grabbing his hurting chest. He still didn’t see but he sensed movement around and under him, so he must be walking.

A voice seemed familiar, but he couldn’t place it and he didn’t hear the words. Strong hands and arms positioned him sitting on something soft but big and secure. The room felt like a dinghy in a hurricane and he freed a hand from his chest to grab on to whatever he could. He violently took hold of something warm and it grabbed him back so he held on for dear life.

He heard the voice again.

_Caspar?_

Maybe. It was too far away. Drowned out by his heartbeat. Oh, his heart!

_My heart is giving up. It can’t keep this going._

_It hurts._

_I’m dying._

His face was getting warm. Was he crying? He must be.

“Breathe!”

It was the first word that voice had gotten through the barrier of sounds his body was making.

_Okay I’m not totally gone. Breathe. Calm down. It’ll be fine._

Joe tried, he really tried to control his breathing for just a second.

_No, it hurts._

_It won’t be fine._

The sound of his breathing and heartbeat only let a few words pass, but it didn’t seem like they were meant for him anyway.

“Zoë?...      …breathing…    …what-    I do?     …s in pain”

 

-

 

Caspar’s one hand was holding tight on to Joe’s arm and making sure he wasn’t falling from the booth-couch, the other was holding his phone to his ear. Zoë on the other end.

“Caspar!” Zoë yelled and stopped the boys rambling.

“You called me for a reason, right? You’ve seen me like this. It’s just a panic-attack.”

“I’m not sure, Zoë.” Caspar couldn’t hide the nervousness in his voice even though he really tried. He didn’t want to frighten Joe’s sister. “It’ seems worse. I’m sure he’s in pain.”

“Listen to me Caspar.” The blonde boy almost stood at attention. “Here’s what you need to do?”

Caspar listened closely as Zoë continued.

“Stay with him. Hold his hand or arm if he let you. Tell him that it’s only a panic-attack and everything will be fine. It’s the first time this is happening to him and he doesn’t know what is going on, which is making it worse. You need to make him understand.”

 “I’m not sure he can hear me.” He interrupted.

“Then make him hear. Tell him to breathe. Don’t stop talking, and be calm. The last thing he needs is for you to panic too. If he passes out get help, otherwise just stay with him. Okay?”

“Okay.” Caspar was calming himself down. He could do this. He had seen Alfie help Zoë countless times.

“One more thing.” Zoë added. “Say _“I’m staying with you”_ instead of _“I’m not leaving you”._ Don’t say “ _not”_ he won’t hear that part. Now concentrate on calming my brother down, and call me after.”

She hung up the phone and Caspar realized that Joe had been gasping for air the whole time and now tears were running down his face too. He put the phone down and placed his free hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Joe. Listen to me.” No reaction.

“You are panicking. Put your head between your knees and breathe.”

 

There were quite a few people staring now. Caspar felt the eyes on his back but he was sure Joe had no awareness of it so he didn’t address it. If they would help fine if not he just hoped they would stay at a distance.

 

-

 

“I’m right here. You’ll be fine. You just need to breathe.” Joe could kinda see the outline of a person right in front of him, and he could hear it now. It was Caspar.

“Joe can you hear me?”

He managed to nod his head. Big mistake. Everything went black again and he almost fell over only saved by the arms holding him in place.

“You are having a panic-attack. Just breathe.”

_He never panicked._

This was wrong. Caspar must have misunderstood.

_A panic-attack couldn’t hurt this bad._

_It must be something else._

He tried to speak. “No… hurts.”

“I know, buddy. It’ll get better, I promise. Just breathe.”

Joe felt a hand on his upper back, pushing him gently forward. He didn’t have much choice but to go along and was thankful that Caspar’s other arm was still holding him so he wouldn’t fall over. His chest still felt like it was going to explode and he didn’t believe that this was nowhere near over, but the room slowly stopped spinning as he sat there with his head tugged between his knees.

 

-

 

Caspar didn’t feel good about that promise at all. This was not like when Zoë was panicking, but she had seemed so sure on the phone that he had no choice but to commit and try all she had said. No matter what he had to be there for Joe and he _did_ call her for a reason. Panic was the first thing he’d thought of. However, he still couldn’t shake the feeling that this might me something else. Something serious.

While he was sitting there, holding Joe and talking to him, he could feel the breathing getting a bit slower. It was still ragged and too fast for his comfort but he wasn’t afraid of it turning into full hyperventilation anymore. Joe was also getting easier to hold in place.

“Do you boys need help?” Caspar looked up. Someone must have called the medics over. A man in a white-shirt-uniform looked down at him with a kind smile. Caspar didn’t know what to say. He was scared and wanted all the help he could get, but Joe might get worse if strangers started crowding him.

“It- it’s a panic-attack.” He finally stuttered. “We just need…     time   …and room.”

The man, who must have been around his father’s age, nodded and went to talk to two others in the same uniform and Caspar turned to Joe.

“Breathe. That’s it. You’re doing great.” He was standing now, one hand still holding Joe in place, but with less effort, and the other placed on his back moving in big circular trails. “How’re you doing? Is it getting a bit easier to breathe?”

Joe nodded, this time with no complications. “My chest hurts! This can’t be normal.”

Caspar could hear the fear in his voice. Joe never sounded like this before and it terrified the tall, strong guy.

“Zoë said it was normal. I called her. Just keep breathing slowly and it’ll stop.” He was looking at the medics as one of them set of, to who knows where, and the others came back towards him and Joe.

“We’ll get you transport to were you need to be. When are your flight?”

Caspar had forgotten all about the plane. He looked at his watch. “There’s over two hours.”

“Okay. We’ll find a room for you, and then we’ll talk about the gate later.” Caspar was grateful that someone took charge and that the guy seemed to take it easy. He must have seen it a thousand times.

The man turned to Joe. “How are you feeling?”

Joe seemed confused by the new voice and tried to sit up straight. He crumbled down fast again. Caspar caught him as he packed both arms close to his chest and put his head back between his legs.

“Joe?” Caspar tried. Joe nodded cautiously. “Can you tell us how you feel?”

“Dizzy.” He took a deep breath. “Head spinning” He paused to breathe again. “Chest… hurt… like… I dunno… pain… can’t see.” “Okay, okay, just breathe now.” The medic cut him off. “Let’s get you some place quiet.”

The medic who disappeared earlier, was now there with a wheelchair. Caspar helped them get Joe in it, making sure his head was down and nothing was moving too fast. Joe’s hand latched onto Caspar’s arm.

“I’m here. I’m staying with you. Were just going away from all these people.”

At some point during the walk through the airport, Caspar was sure Joe was going to be sick. He made them stop and didn’t move before Joe had ensured him that he was okay to keep on going.

 

-

 

Jo had almost been sick all over, while in the wheelchair, but Caspar had caught it in time and given him a break, for which he was grateful.

Now there was quiet, except for a man and a woman talking almost inaudibly outside the room. He was breathing slower now, almost normal, and he was able to see the room they were in. He was sitting on a low bed and still holding on tight to Caspar’s arm. It must have been like a one-person-break-room or something, there was a small sink with a mirror over it and a table with a chair. The light was white and sharp and one light from the hall was irritating his eyes, but he like the fact that the door was open.

“You want to lay down, a bit?” Caspar sounded insecure but not too worried.

“I don’t know.” He stared at the floor, trying to make sense of it all. Caspar had been right; his chest was getting better. It still hurt, but not enough for him to be really worried. He still had the thought in the back of his head, though, that something could be really wrong with his heart.

“My chest still hurts.” He was exhausted but grateful that he now was able to form whole sentences.

“I see that.” Caspar answered. He must be showing every emotion in his face and eyes. Caspar wasn’t normally that observant. “You’re breathing better, though. Do you want me to get the medic in here, just to make sure you’re fine?”

“Okay.” Joe looked at Caspar for the first time since he had disappeared in the grey mass of people. It seemed like forever ago.

“You have to let go at my arm then.” Joe saw a hint of a smile on Caspar’s face, then looked down at his hand. He slowly loosened his fingers and saw the blood turn them from a yellow-white to slightly read and then back to normal. However, Caspar’s arm stayed read.

“Sorry. Cas.”

“No worries. Damn, you’re strong.” Joe was glad to see Caspar still smiling.

 

-

 

Caspar rubbed his harm while he talked to the people outside the room. He made sure not to get out of Joe’s line of sight.

The medic from before had told him to come get him if they needed it and that he would be right outside doing paperwork.

“He’s still worried about the pain. Can you help him?”

“Of course.” The man went in the room with the same kind smile from before.

“So good to have you with us. You’re feeling a bit better I see.” The man went over and took Joe’s hand to check his pulse. Joe nodded.

“Your friend asked me to check you over just to reassure you that nothing’s wrong. Are you still hurting or is it mostly a tightening feeling around your chest?”

Joe looked down and Caspar waited anxiously while the dark-haired boy evaluated his own body. “Just tight, I guess.” Joe finally said looking up at the man in front of him. “…but it’s sore when I breath.”

“Your muscles have been working hard, it’s not different from after a workout. It’s just some muscles you’re not used to be exercising. I’ll check your blood pressure and a few other things, I’m sure everything will be fine, and afterwards we can talk about going on that plane. Okay?”

Caspar smiled encouraging as the medic helped his friend to lay down on his back.

“Could you answer some questions for me in the meanwhile?” The woman from outside the room was gesturing Caspar to leave the room.

“I’ll be right outside, Joe. Will you be okay in here?” Joe nodded in agreement and Caspar went to sit down with the medic.

 

After all the questions and paperwork Caspar was eager to get to Joe. “Are we done, can I go in there now?” The woman smiled and nodded at him and Caspar was already gone.

Joe was sitting again. Smiling. Caspar could have sworn that he looked a little embarrassed. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, everything is perfect, but I’m not sure about putting you two on a plane just now.”

All color vanished from Joe’s face. “I just want to go home.” He sounded defeated.

The middle-aged-man looked at Joe. “You’re not afraid of flying?”

“No. Never have been. We fly all the time.”

The man looked at Caspar, seeking confirmation. “It’s right. I think it was just the crowded airport and lack of sleep. We’ve been traveling for three days and not really getting any breaks.” Caspar suddenly remembered how tired he was and how much he was longing for his own bed.

“Please let us go home. It’s just an-hour-flight.” Caspar looked a Joe and wondered if this would start all over again if the man said no.

“Okay, if you feel confident about this, I think it would be best to get you home quickly and not prolong this trip further.”

Both boys nodded in relieved agreement.

 

_

 

 

They got to stay in the room while eating and waiting for the cart that would drive them to the gate. They had been enjoying the silence for a while when Caspar broke it.

“Shit!”

Joe looked up. “What!”

“Zoë. I should have called her back.”

Joe vaguely remembered Caspar mentioning a phone call. “You called Zoë?”

“Yeah, I was scared shitless, I had no idea what to do so I called your sister. She must be worried out of her mind by now.” He looked at his phone. “It’s been over an hour and a half.”

Caspar’s eyes met Joe’s. Joe took a deep breath. “I’m okay now, maybe I should call her.” Hoping it would calm the situation. It did. Caspar looked less unsettled.

“Maybe it’s a good idea that it’s my number showing up on her phone.” Joe smiled. “I’ll call her while you get some more sodas.”

Caspar was out the door.

 

“Joe?” Zoë sounded nervous.

“It’s me. I’m fine. Sorry it took so long to call.”

Joe could her his sister calming her breath and then telling someone, who must be Alfie, that he was fine.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah we’re in our own room eating and waiting for a cart. Everything’s fi- fine.” His voice cracked with the last word.

“Joe? You crying?” Joe wasn’t before, but the voice of his concerned sister did something. A tear ran down his face.

“I’m fine, I promise.” He didn’t want to scare Zoë more. “I was just scared.”

He heard his sister sigh and was worried that he’d made her cry. “Of course, you were. It’s terrible when it happens, but at least it’s over now, right?”

“Right.” Once again reassuring Zoë that he really was okay.

“Zoë?” Joe waited for her to respond, then he asked; “Does it hurt like that every time? I thought I was going to die.” His eyes were filling with water.

“No. Joe.” Zoë paused. “It’s different every time, but it gets easier. This was your first ever panic-attack and you didn’t know what was happening so you got even more scared, which just made it into an evil spiral. Next time…” She stopped herself.

“If you ever have one again you’ll know, and it will stop as soon as you get yourself away from the situation that caused it.”

Joe was silent. He was trying to wrap his head around all the times this had happened to his sister. He had gotten so used to it, reacting like it was really no big deal. But it was.

“I’m… I’m sorry... I never knew what was happening.”

“Don’t be.” Zoë cut of her little brother. “I never wanted you to know. I hope this never happens to you again.”

She paused and Joe waited for her to choose her words. “From what Caspar was saying, it was a bad one. Do you want me to be there when you get home? When are you coming home?”

“No thanks. I just want to sleep. We’ll be boarding in about half an hour and then just taking an Uber from the airport.”

Caspar snug back into the room and placed the soft drinks on the table. Joe wiped his face to be sure no tears were showing and then sent the guy a smile that told him that everything was okay.

“Joe.” Zoë was not letting this go. “Are you sure. We can be at the airport in time. Help you find a car and get you home faster.”

“It’s fine Zoë. We’ve done it a thousand times. We just need sleep.” It would be good to have them there. Finding a cab or an Uber at Heathrow could be a nightmare, but it was a long commute and he wouldn’t ask that of them.

“Okay I have another suggestion.” Joe remembered how adamant his sister could be. He secretly loved her for it, especially right now. “How about we go to your apartment, it’s a shorter travel for us and we’ll be there when you arrive.”

Joe was about to stop her to tell her that that wasn’t necessary but she didn’t give him a chance to. “I’m sure you need sleep, but Caspar does too and he’s not sleeping tonight if there’s no one else to keep an eye on you. Trust me.”

Joe looked up at the tall strong guy on the other side of the room. For the first time observing how tired he looked. He was exhausted, but still looking at Joe with concern like he was ready to run over and catch him if he fell of the bed. Caspar was on edge, Joe only noticing now.

“Okay.” Joe gave in. “We’ll see you there.

 

-

 

Caspar didn’t let go of Joe’s arm from they left the room till they were on the plane. Neither of them slept on the plane but everything was calm and Caspar was able to convince himself a bit more that Joe would be fine all the way.

As they left the plane and went towards the crowded luggage-pick-up-area Caspar grabbed Joe’s upper arm again and Joe let him.

Joe was a zombie walking through the door and Zoë greeted him with a hug he was only half able to return. She followed him down stairs and made sure he had everything to turn in for the night.

Caspar just stood in the doorway. Zoë had taken Joe from his arms and now he was free of the responsibility, but didn’t feel good. Alfie dragged him over to the couch and sat next to him.

“You did great.” Caspar looked at him.

“I was scared, Alfie.”

“Joe didn’t knew that. You did great.”

When Zoë appeared from the staircase she found her boyfriend holding a sleeping Caspar to his chest.

“We’re never getting him down the stairs.” She smiled at Alfie.

Alfie looked down at the big South-African sound asleep, feeling the weight from the unconscious body. He maneuvered out from under him and they helped each other placing him comfortably laying on the couch, removing his shoes and covering him with a blanket. Alfie made sure the blanket covered the red-(turning-blue)-handprint on Caspar’s arm so Zoë wouldn’t see. 

“Look like we’re sleeping in Caspar’s bed.” He grinned.

“How are you feeling?” He placed an arm around his girlfriend and they moved towards the stairs.

“I’m fine now. It was good to see him.”

Alfie placed at soft kiss on her forehead and they too turned in for the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Most of the "Joe-part" is from my own experience. I did that in an airport once, but I was by myself. I wouldn't put Joe through that, Caspar had to be there.


End file.
